He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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