I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
