You're a womanizer and a bitch.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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