In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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