It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
What drink are we having for lunch?
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
