He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
