Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
