I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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