dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
