Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Let's get the cat blown out
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
