I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
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