I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
