Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize