i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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