I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
