I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
