I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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