He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
