The maid of honor just puked.
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
