First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
