there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Randomize
