I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
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