On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
