spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
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