that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
