I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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