I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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