I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
