I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
