Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Randomize
