dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Randomize
