he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
