Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize