I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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