happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
he thought i was a dude.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
