i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
