how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Randomize
