why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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