Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
