My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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