you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
