Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
