Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
