That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
