this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
