Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
