I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Randomize
