you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
tell me about the eggs
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
