Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
