I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I'm passing your future prison.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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