Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize