I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
