I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
