i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
