Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
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