i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Randomize
