Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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