I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
