fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
