Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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