Girls should come with a carfax report
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
