May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Randomize
