There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
