Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
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