i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
