I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
