They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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