Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
