It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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