there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
And then he peed in my hair
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