Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
