recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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