Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
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