3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
