and my herpes radar will keep us safe
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
