Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
