end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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