So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
