I'm eating all of the evidence.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
