Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
accomplished twins. life is a go
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
