These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
