Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
