Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Randomize
