Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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