Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
