It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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