may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize