whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
