I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
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