you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
