these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
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