Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
